Steady State Dreaming



The leaf that demands life to the tree… inhale, exhale… gracefully shaken by the wind in a spring breeze momentum. I step foot on the meadows, sit down and caress the grass. Lying beneath is the kingdom of ants…pull not the roots, keep them… undisturbed. (Oh,oh, that’s my fave nsg note at night time)


See the grasshopper, hopping on the grass… (oh really? The name is its act itself) Searching for a grain, a corn, a flower, a toxic leaf perhaps. Very smart buddy. He loves to store toxins especially reserved for the predator who will tame him. He enveloped a sweet karma that will inevitably come right away after his predicted death.


Is that really a chameleon in the tree? Where art thou? Do you disguise feelings too? I envy how you focus your eyes, rotator at its best, seeing two things at the same time. Whoaah. Truly awesome, they could hardly fool you. You don’t fail to fool others. Your skin is very adaptive. You can copy the color wherein you are with. Are you having a hard time? Defining yourself to your environment, must be tough huhh. Albeit, it’s a good coping mechanism. I hope you will discover your true color. It must be exhausting, fitting in….


Peeping gentle eyes in a tree trunk, who are you hiding in a hole? Aaahh. Chipmunk! Can I come in? I have Chocolala with nuts here. Can I bribe you with that? I wanna hibernate there, no alarm clock to wake me up. It must be comforting to be inside the wood, just like a placenta to a fetus-you can play carefree, & got shield from peculiar attacks. I pray you stay protected. May that tree be bypassed by cold-blooded loggers.


Oh my cuddly koala clinging as usual on the tree… clinging there forever, even a logger cutting it down won’t stop you. I admire that kind of gesture of yours. You love and must have felt loved non stop cus you cuddle a lot. Every dose of eucalyptus is what’s keeping you alive and dying at the same time. What an IRONY. Tsk,tsk.

I wanna pee. Damn it.

It’s time to manipulate this temporary bliss.

“Don’t wake me yet, fairy of the forest…. I wanna stay here for awhile. I just love seeing and observing things. I won’t touch neither of them. I can live invisibly in here.”

Wicked Forest Fairy still wave her wand and in resonating croaky voice she whispered, “Hwakehhup, people hought to know habout kyourrrr dreams.”

And snap.

My digital thumbs are back to life.









[Photos are edited & cropped from Google.]


Stages of Doing The Laundry: Denial. Anger. Acceptance. That’s Life.


Just finished another cycle of night duty. You sleep, get up hungry but you won’t cook cus it’s just the same food you’re cooking (beefsteak ➡tuna ➡ itlog ➡ itlog ➡ tilapia ➡ kangkong ➡ itlog). Instead you go to the mall and find something to eat. Before, you can only tolerate the TLC burger of Jollibee, you can’t even finish your fries cus you’re too full already but here you are now, devouring the biggest burger alive + the extra large fries. Amazing how every particle of your body cooperates to gobble them all up.

Then you go eye shopping. With an emphasis to the EYE. It’s 1 week before salary. You must stay strong. Don’t flip that credit card no matter how enchanting the scarfs are. No matter how you feel like the shoes are meant for you, that those shoes were truly made for you. JUST FOR YOU. No, don’t use your credit card. You know why? See, the countdown begins 10 days before salary and as the big day approaches, your excitement becomes higher (yeah, its kinda lineár). So if you use your credit card and buy the stuffs that you like now, then the 30th becomes just a normal day of the month. The thrill would be gone. And isn’t that cheating? It’s like you take some money that you didn’t work for yet. Its sweeter if you spend the money you worked hard for from the past days. You would feel it’s all worth your sweat and bloody tears. (Uu pinaghirapan ko to, hindi ko to hiningi or hinuthot lng). So yeah, the point is live within your means, kapit lang bes, konting tiis na lang Sarah, konting patatas na lang ang babalatan. Stay strong.


So after the eye shopping, go for grocery, let’s be more vegetarian beh, for now. + Tilapia again, chicken lollipop, beef again. Again and again. You don’t have your mother to cook for you. You miss your mama, you cry but you have to eat. You can show your love to your mama if you eat, she doesn’t want you to be hungry, your gastritis will attack again she doesn’t want you in pain, she loves you that much. (I hate this hugot). Now, CHEER UP.


You reach home very late at night, you thought you gonna rest? Noooooooo. Remember you still got to fix your stocks. You enter your room, here goes your own world you build in. You could go suck up in your bed. The bed….Look at thy bed. The bed is soo still and dormant. Very unlike you. You are wild and relative, a nomadic creature, no wonder your poles attract. Oh the magnet of your bed is pulling you off now. You’d love to but wait….you still got pile of clothes to wash. What the heck.

Stages of Doing the Laundry

1. Denial: How did this happen? No, you still got one set of uniform for tomorrow’s day duty.

2. Anger: I hate washing!

[ ❎ Bargaining? Nope. You’re too prideful for that. ❎Depression? Inexplainable. No words deserve to describe that. Its too individual.]

3. Acceptance: Okay go wash then put them clothes in the drier, let it stay for 1 1/2 hr, let the drier IRON your uniforms. Hahahahaha.


While you watch the drier spinning, here goes your mind relaxing, then sudden realizations come caving in from your attic cat.

‘So this drier spinning reminds me that the world is round and it keeps on revolving. What goes around, comes around. What goes up must come down then it goes up again. Yey! Excitement should die for another excitement to be born again.’

That’s it.

Then the musical tune of the drier snaps you back to reality.  You take out your clothes, now fully IRONED, very NEAT, CLEAN and WARM. (Capslock to make it intense, oh why do I always bother explaining) . Maybe you can become like that. Maybe God is IRONING your life for you to become one of His best creatures. Yes, you will become one. You’re almost there, just hold on to the rod. KAYA MO YAN.


It’s Fighting Time Buttercup!!!!!!!!

Take Me Back To Wonderland

I’m a boring person, only stays at home, reading books, listening to talks and speeches, annoying my family, hating the cat of my sister, eating as much as my stomach sausage can capacitate, sleeping in action like the hands of a wall clock. I’m not really into travel because I can see most people do that. Okay, they’re enjoying but with the ulterior motive to show off to the fb world and make pa-sosyal. Call me rude but that’s what I see to some or maybe to all including the hypocritical me. Then and again, what matters most is the wonderful feeling it brings by that moment. And happiness is ought to be shared and bound to be contagious. So let me sprinkle some tiny bits of that moment.

Started the year right. My mother, baby sister and I visited Hongkong, the main highlight is when we visited the happiest place on earth- Disneyland. It started with the parade of all my childhood fantasy idols. I saw the princesses winking & waving back at us, cross-eyed Tinkerbell sticking out her tongue (that was funny), Mickey Mouse dancing to the beat, Simba & Tarzan with the jungle plots coupled with Disney music. Hearing the theme songs and seeing them in actual relived the heart- filling & breaking moments during childhood. Moments when we were in front of the TV seeing the betamax swallow the tape and then the logo of Walt Disney appears. I remember back then, I wanna be in  Wonderland, I tried to go inside the television and ended up hitting my head of course. That’s my honest centration logic when I was 5, thinking that I’d be a giant if I could enter in hayyss that’s so lacking of conservation psyche and I hope Piaget could understand lol.

I used my tab to take a video of the parade and while doing that I couldn’t stop sobbing but I must stop for the sake of my eyeliner, ooh stop! Imagine the struggle? My eyeliner made me look mental and that was a major major contributing factor why 91% of my photos sucks. Couldn’t stop crying cus beside me was a chinky-eyed toddler with her dad and I remember this was my childhood dream. (Insert* A dream is a wish that your heart desire*) I’ve realized buried deep within my heart, I had longingly desired to meet my childhood friends and here they are.


This is the house of Pooh & Friends. My close friend Danica used to collect Pooh items at grade school but I don’t fancy Pooh that much before except the Pooh Cotton Candy being sold in a mini store  infront of our school (so yummy). When I had a lot of lone time in Saudi, I submerged  myself to children’s book, including Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne and since then evey words of Pooh &friends are in my pores and felt it gushing when I experienced leaving people behind. Truly reading the children’s books when I was a kid was just pictures and imaginations while reading it in my adulthood is so meaningful to life converting it into abstract emotions and perspectives.


From Denial to Acceptance, I had my grip on Pooh’s intense lines.

Continue reading

Gifts & Curses of a Clumsy Head


#1 CURSE: At family dinner, you stumble a glass of water and everyone’s freaking out from their seats



GIFT: You were able to pump up a boring family dinner tradition


some get mad while some wud laugh

#2 CURSE: You can’t count the plates and glasses you break when you wash the dishes and your parents scold you for that.


Sorry, parents.i didn’t mean to break your wedding gifts

GIFT: Less plates to wash! Yassss! My plan works!!!!


#3 CURSE: Every gauze, syringe, pen, gauge something needle would fly while you search before you hand the final & precious size of cath your Doctor asks you to find


Here it is doc

GIFT: At least of all the nurses in whites, your crush doctor stares at you in AWE



#4 CURSE:Cleaning is getting it done 2x the workload cus you have to clean again what you just spilled


GIFT: Repetition makes you perfect.


Ayayy Captain!!

#5 CURSE: You tired and hungry and you go str8 to your ref and when you open it, a piece of foood fell down and made a mess so you have to clean the floor, you end up TIRED, TIRED, HUNGRY.


Gift: You will lose your will to cook and eat, you just doze off to bed. Eliminating the tired.✖ tired.✖ hungry. ✖


Why me, Lord? Why crappy things happen to me?

#6 CURSE: You wearing eyeliners on to work but you have the mannerism of forgetting it all and rubbing your eyes while thinking


What did I do?

Gift: You’ll be discouraged to wear make up again hence you won’t have a toxic duty. Cus whenever you wear make up it’s toxic. You could ask other nurses as well


#7 CURSE: There were times when you unintentionally tripped off with the iv line of the patient upon your long awaited exit


GIFT: You were able to make your patient laugh. It’s actually humour therapy you see


See what nurse can do

#8 CURSE: You never ever wear whites on dates


Or else you’ll get doomed

GIFT: You can still make pa-cute tho



And lastly

#9 CURSE: You watching dr. House and he sees the clumsiness of Thirteen and frankly says, “You have Huntington’s”

Oh my it’s so me!!! I have those symptoms too… (sobbbbing)


GIFT:Cure me Dr House!




[Photos c/o Google]

[Based on the story of my clumsy life]

5pm Thoughts

A chlorophyll to my leaf, color my world

A nectar to my Gumamela, sweeten my bittercup

A mitochondrion to my cell, energize me well

A frame to my portrait, hold me still

Green to my red wheel, make it complementary

Mango to my yoghurt, pump up my satiety

Scarf to my knee, arrest my bleed

Side rails to my bed, protect me from falling

Water to my tumbler, keep me alive on summer

Pole to my flag, stand up lift me high

Mole to my skin, don’t leave me

Thread to my dress, keep me together

Paint to my art, don’t bore me

Wrinkles to my face, testify of my beauty

Cling unto my hand, i’ll be your lobster.691760_1303060040560_full





Why do I crave for this and that?

I notice myself always craving for the same things wether im in that open window mode or had my eggs shrink… Have known myself not fond of sweets but a lover of salt, gotta have salt in my bag cus some taco foods here in Abu have blunt taste it makes me sad. But lately i do eat chocolates when stressed out. Well we did know mostly  from studies that a certain compound of chocolates will activate the release of serotonin blah blah that makes you happy, ok. UHmm.. I want more answers. I’ve searched for it and discovered that craving is a left over trait from our ancestors, the homo sapiens during the Stone Age Era. It’s how they survive to keep them alive. So our cravings are the things we really need in our body. Allow me to dissect one by one the nature of my cravings thanks to the theories of natural selection.

1. Turning Into Salt

So my craving for the salty Mcdo French Fries is my body alarming me for an impending progression of dehydration. Salt is rich in Sodium Chloride ánd Sodium Chloride attracts water. Water to my cell please. I believe I’m mildly dehydrated cus i always have cracked lips (no matter how much i replenish myself with water), pale skin (plus, im depleted with Fe)& weak grip (unless activated by the adrenaline rush). Not really into French fries before but then the chicharong bulaklak of Choco’s is out of reach, so. So.

2. It’s A Sweet Life Afterall

And my craving for sweets-chocolates on the spotlight would mean the need for glucose in my brain for it to work, work, work, work, work -to make a sound judgment about career love money and also glucose for anabolic reaction to produce more energy during toxic hours of duty.

3. Sour of Prey

And my craving for sour juice is me pleading for additional acids to my stomach cus my  gastric juices aren’t enuf when i binge eat or maybe because my immunity is dropping and in grave need of booster.

4. Baby Spice

And my craving for spices is my way to pump up my life, keeps me upbeat and to warm me up in this air-condition-filled ironic world I’m living in. No wonder I don’t crave for it back in the Philippines.

5. Cup of Bitterness

As for craving for bitterness, errr, naah, never did I crave for it. Had too much bitterness in my life already and i hate the feeling so nooo, no thanks. Lord Voldemort would love it though. Haha


11/07/2015 An Epiphany

The photo depicts  a lil boy studying his school assignments, taking advantage of the lighting near a McDonald’s restaurant~

This simple task makes him magnify the:

The Law of Focus He is so focused in studying. A responsible student he is. You cannot be both 2 polar entities. It’s either you are one or the other. He is responsible, hence he can’t be idle.

The Law of Humility He is humble enough to accept his circumstances

The Law of Growth He cannot change the people who bullies him, the non lit shackle he lives in, but he can change himself, he can do better

The Law of Creation This is a blatant response to the song I was born this way hey. The contradiction saga of nature vs. nurture continues. Being poor forfeits him with many privileges but he can do and change things in his own little ways. What he is doing is him creating a new self out of himself. And I can see if he endures to the end, he’ll be a beautiful thing.

And I know he believes in the Newton’s Law that someday his action will have a reaction .

In time, The Law of Patience and Reward would come true as he continues to persevere. When it’s for real that the true value of something is a direct result of the energy and intent put into it. Says someone, I forgot who it was, but I was able to recover it from my schemata.

I actually pulled out some Karmic Laws together so as to apply what I have learned. Here’s my one last comment, this photo reminds me of Africa’s saying, “SURVIVE THE DUNGEONS OF NATURE BUT ALSO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ITS OFFERINGS. close qoute


An extract from The Alchemist 10/04/2014

..when Narcissus died, the goddesses of the forest appeared and found the lake which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears.

“Why do you weep?” The goddesses asked

“I weep for Narcissus,” the lake replied.

“Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus,” they said, “for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand.”

“But…was Narcissus beautiful?” The lake asked.

“Who better than you to know that?” The goddesses said in wonder.” After all it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!”

The lake was silent for sometime.

Finally it said: “I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful.”

“I weep because each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected.”

My Conclusions:

Narcissus finds comfort in the Lake, vice versa.

Someone/something in your life can make you realize your worth and dreams.

Beauty is relative. Assumptions are relative.

By helping other, the other is helping you as well thru the process of you helping. By helping you can learn wisdom. By helping you can find yourself happy.

[Still thinking for more deep-rooted meaning]