The world isn’t all cupcakes& rainbows. .

 

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“You with a sad eyes, don’t be discourage oh I realize it’s hard take courage. In a world full of people, you can lost sight of it all.. The darkness inside you makes you feel so small”

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I can say this to a friend but actually when I sing it out of the blue, wether I’m infront of the mirror starin’ at my reflection or not, I’m actually singing this to myself..Yeah..I’m pacifying my own self. Sometimes I would isolate myself from the crowd, tap my back while saying, ‘it’s  okay, you’ll get through this, you’ll be okay soon,Len.’ I am learning that challenges are normal things in life. And tho it really comes uninvitedly I still ask, ‘why? Why me? Why can’t I be happy..’

Okay you go out eat in a fine dine resto, eat all of your cravings, have a dose of shopping (loads of doses), have a makeover but at the end of the day…you still face the same sh**, contemplating on it, why?? I feel so drained… I have friends, good friends but still feels empty, I’m homesick, I wanna go home but I have a goal and my pinky finger is still clinging on it… I feel like a tiny seed implanted deep in the soil, no sunlight, no air, no CO2, no water, are they bypassing me? Hey I’m here… I need nourishment too.

‘Show me your smile don’t be unhappy can’t remember when I last saw you laughin’…. If this world makes you crazy and you’ve taken all our can’t bear, just call me up cus you know I’ll be there’

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As I grow quantitatively, my laughs decrease in number. I used to be a happy -go- lucky type of girl, a hyperactive one. I’m the most talkative person in my family, I’m so loud I make them happy, even at school, my squad used to be the ice breaker in the class… I still laugh but can only count them using my fingers… Not same like before as countless as the grains of the sand (borrowed from the lines of Abram).. I also used to smile always, true or fake smiles, I do them a lot. But now I have to show my gameface, that pokerface so no one will take advantage of it, yeah people steal sunshine if you know what I mean.

When I think of other people’s challenges I find mine a small one.. but why is it still hard to bear? Am I not that resilient enough? Is this an effect of transitioning to a fully butterflied adult? I’m so powerless…This toxic life is hitting me hard.

I see your true colors shining thru.. I see your true colors and that’s why I love you.. So don’t be afraid to let them show your true colors…. True colors.. A beautiful like a rainbow…

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When I watched the movie Trolls, it says there happiness is within us, you just gotta find it… I’m still perplexed with that thought in mind. I find the church and listen to the word of God, am I happy? I find a person peeking thru the door saying he wants to listen to the Gospel, I let him in, I realize how blessed  I am to have known the Gospel since childhood, am I happy? I find a God-fearing man to love and he’s loving me back, am I happy? I find a coin and put it inside my purse, thinking that a coin could make up a million peso, am I happy? I find time to review to reach my goal and pass my exam to eliminate my still unscratched what-if in life, am I happy? I find a piece of paper with a lil girl’s writing on it asking my mom not to leave her and that she loves her, am I happy? I have the opportunity to hug babies and bathe them, am I happy? I find 2 comfy soft blanket that wrapped me into a sushi when I sleep, am I happy? God provides me what I need thru other people (random ones oh they’re angels) wether thru hard cash, care bears,or prayers, am I happy?

Now judge me am I happy or not?Cus I really don’t understand what I do feel now. The world isn’t all cupcakes and rainbows but hey maybe….Maybe it is..Says Poppy. You got me contemplating on it a lot Poppy, takes out all the Branch in me.

A beautiful like a rainbow…

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Photos c/o google

Newt Schamander & The Fantastic Beasts And How To React To Them

There you go Potterheads! No more sobbing, this is it! We could finally breathe again. Let’s get back to the era of Newt Schamander and his very interesting way of finding and rearing his fantastic Beasts all fitted inside his briefcase. Gryffindor has been the all time fave all throughout the hp series and this time it’s Hufflepuffs character on the spotlight. Yep. Newt is a Hufflepuff, together with Leta Lestrange (his bestfriend & first love) they love to collect fantastic Beasts. Well we dunno exactly how their tragic relationship ended up to, all i know is Lestrange did something that endangered Hogwarts but Schamander took the blame so he ended up being expelled.(Poor Dumbledore, Newt was his favorite student) So the story goes to Newt’s adventure of chasing fantastic Beasts in New York. He met his Nomaj friend Jacob and his future wife Tina Goldstein. Them 3 have fair share of crazy and fun moments collecting the missing fantastic Beasts.

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Here’s the new trio. Jacob is the muggle friend, the funny & innocent to magic; Newt, the very compassionate to Beasts, petting them and teaching them to be of good use; Tina who tried to live by the rules but her pure heart stands along the way which lead her to be demoted from being an Auror.

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Its somewhat like ron-harry-hermione kind of ship..But still nothing compares to these 3 naughty kids….

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Here’s Newt preparing a mixture of juice spell for his pets, inside his suitcase is a magical place where he hide his pet Beasts. (Now I’m understanding my baby sister more. She pets 9 creatures, they could be good friends if both of them are non fictional characters.)

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He occasionally let Jacob come with him to feed his flocks. And Jacob always gasps in amazement seeing those fantastic creatures. He then will forget everything after he come out from the suitcase.

Well that thing actually is Pickett the bowtruckle, he has an attachment-abandonment issues. He only liked Newt and no one else. He is so protective, he helped Newt escaped from being tortured to death. But he was totally devastated when Newt has no choice but to give him in exchange to the goblin gangster to obtain information about the last missing beast. Good thing Newt was able to rescue him back to his top pocket.

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Here’s when Picket told Newt in a swishing sound that they need to talk. It’s funny when hee confronted him and Newton tried to explain but still won’t buy his reasons. And when Newt asked him to give him a smile…

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Here’s his cute &  sweet gesture: he stick his tongue out

What a cute tiny beast, him being protective&helpful to Newt reminds me of Dobby to Harry Potter (I love dobby the most tho) & him being naughty & attached to Newt reminds me of Tinkerbell to Peter pan. What a good mix.

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Here’s the Demiguise. the invisibility cloak was woven using their hair. From the name itself, a demiguise can become invisible.  This petite doll eyed creature was seen baby sitting the large Occamy (a big bird). It just shows that size doesn’t matter, it’s the quality of care that you give that matters most. If you have the sincerity to take care of someone, whatever your size is, your instinct will play next and everything will roll out just fine. Just trust your guts. You can pet someone and you would be so proud how big he is now because of your care. (Here I am again, twentysixing, on the road to motherhood I hope).

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That dramatic cockroach in a teapot moment lol. That’s the only way to tame an Occamy, use the cockcroach as a bait then contain it inside the teapot. I got dizzy everytime Newt is chasing the beasts but still I have to stay and watch the show cus I know it would be very interesting and visually arresting. Well knowing jk.

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For as much as I ship Tina goldstein and Newt Scamander together, I’m still curious about how Leta Lestrange and Newt relationship went through…they share the same passion and hobby.. well, every love story is unique, no matter how tragic it is.

Newt might still not over leta lestrange and that story will be told in the next film I guess. But events are inevitable..and it will send him back to Tina, who stick on his side, has a pure heart and together they stayed on the good side.

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Here’s how it all started. Tina is that desperate to save her reputation  after being demoted as an Audit by catching Newt petting creatures which is forbidden in the US but people are people Tina, they won’t believe you once you lose their trust & they are into the adage ‘to see is to believe, that’s how shallow the law is.

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And it ended up like this. It’s so obvious that he still not over Lestrange, but upon parting with Tina he gently touched her hair showing his budding affection to her…and it’s a sign that it’s not over…it’s not yet over guys!!! They will meet up pretty soon!

I am touched when Newt helped his nomaj friend Jacob to have his own business. He exchanged his suitcase to a suitcase of Occamy’s eggshell that can be used as a collateral in establishing his own bakery. Though Jacob’s memory has to be obliviated, somewhere in his attic schemata, there are fragments he did remember as evident in the beast pastries designs he’ve made

One cannot just obliviate a memory. If it matters much to you, you cannot really forget it. You can suppress, repress or mask it, but it would still keep on coming back . Life goes on…just let it be.

Here’s what to hope for on the next film:

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Maybe in the next films they will show how Grindelwald stole the elder wand and how dumbledore bested him making dumbledore he owner of it. I hope in the 2nd film he setting would be in Hogwarts but naah I heard it’s in Paris. If Johnny Depp will play gallery Grindelwald, who will play dumbledore then? I’m so excited to know more of the tragic grindelwald-dumbledore bromance. We will see more of the true colors of dumbledore.. the tragic fate history of his parents and sister’s death and how he fight for them.

Photos credited to google

Steady State Dreaming

 

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The leaf that demands life to the tree… inhale, exhale… gracefully shaken by the wind in a spring breeze momentum. I step foot on the meadows, sit down and caress the grass. Lying beneath is the kingdom of ants…pull not the roots, keep them… undisturbed. (Oh,oh, that’s my fave nsg note at night time)

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See the grasshopper, hopping on the grass… (oh really? The name is its act itself) Searching for a grain, a corn, a flower, a toxic leaf perhaps. Very smart buddy. He loves to store toxins especially reserved for the predator who will tame him. He enveloped a sweet karma that will inevitably come right away after his predicted death.

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Is that really a chameleon in the tree? Where art thou? Do you disguise feelings too? I envy how you focus your eyes, rotator at its best, seeing two things at the same time. Whoaah. Truly awesome, they could hardly fool you. You don’t fail to fool others. Your skin is very adaptive. You can copy the color wherein you are with. Are you having a hard time? Defining yourself to your environment, must be tough huhh. Albeit, it’s a good coping mechanism. I hope you will discover your true color. It must be exhausting, fitting in….

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Peeping gentle eyes in a tree trunk, who are you hiding in a hole? Aaahh. Chipmunk! Can I come in? I have Chocolala with nuts here. Can I bribe you with that? I wanna hibernate there, no alarm clock to wake me up. It must be comforting to be inside the wood, just like a placenta to a fetus-you can play carefree, & got shield from peculiar attacks. I pray you stay protected. May that tree be bypassed by cold-blooded loggers.

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Oh my cuddly koala clinging as usual on the tree… clinging there forever, even a logger cutting it down won’t stop you. I admire that kind of gesture of yours. You love and must have felt loved non stop cus you cuddle a lot. Every dose of eucalyptus is what’s keeping you alive and dying at the same time. What an IRONY. Tsk,tsk.

I wanna pee. Damn it.

It’s time to manipulate this temporary bliss.

“Don’t wake me yet, fairy of the forest…. I wanna stay here for awhile. I just love seeing and observing things. I won’t touch neither of them. I can live invisibly in here.”

Wicked Forest Fairy still wave her wand and in resonating croaky voice she whispered, “Hwakehhup, people hought to know habout kyourrrr dreams.”

And snap.

My digital thumbs are back to life.

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[Photos are edited & cropped from Google.]

 

Stages of Doing The Laundry: Denial. Anger. Acceptance. That’s Life.

 

Just finished another cycle of night duty. You sleep, get up hungry but you won’t cook cus it’s just the same food you’re cooking (beefsteak ➡tuna ➡ itlog ➡ itlog ➡ tilapia ➡ kangkong ➡ itlog). Instead you go to the mall and find something to eat. Before, you can only tolerate the TLC burger of Jollibee, you can’t even finish your fries cus you’re too full already but here you are now, devouring the biggest burger alive + the extra large fries. Amazing how every particle of your body cooperates to gobble them all up.

Then you go eye shopping. With an emphasis to the EYE. It’s 1 week before salary. You must stay strong. Don’t flip that credit card no matter how enchanting the scarfs are. No matter how you feel like the shoes are meant for you, that those shoes were truly made for you. JUST FOR YOU. No, don’t use your credit card. You know why? See, the countdown begins 10 days before salary and as the big day approaches, your excitement becomes higher (yeah, its kinda lineár). So if you use your credit card and buy the stuffs that you like now, then the 30th becomes just a normal day of the month. The thrill would be gone. And isn’t that cheating? It’s like you take some money that you didn’t work for yet. Its sweeter if you spend the money you worked hard for from the past days. You would feel it’s all worth your sweat and bloody tears. (Uu pinaghirapan ko to, hindi ko to hiningi or hinuthot lng). So yeah, the point is live within your means, kapit lang bes, konting tiis na lang Sarah, konting patatas na lang ang babalatan. Stay strong.

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So after the eye shopping, go for grocery, let’s be more vegetarian beh, for now. + Tilapia again, chicken lollipop, beef again. Again and again. You don’t have your mother to cook for you. You miss your mama, you cry but you have to eat. You can show your love to your mama if you eat, she doesn’t want you to be hungry, your gastritis will attack again she doesn’t want you in pain, she loves you that much. (I hate this hugot). Now, CHEER UP.

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You reach home very late at night, you thought you gonna rest? Noooooooo. Remember you still got to fix your stocks. You enter your room, here goes your own world you build in. You could go suck up in your bed. The bed….Look at thy bed. The bed is soo still and dormant. Very unlike you. You are wild and relative, a nomadic creature, no wonder your poles attract. Oh the magnet of your bed is pulling you off now. You’d love to but wait….you still got pile of clothes to wash. What the heck.

Stages of Doing the Laundry

1. Denial: How did this happen? No, you still got one set of uniform for tomorrow’s day duty.

2. Anger: I hate washing!

[ ❎ Bargaining? Nope. You’re too prideful for that. ❎Depression? Inexplainable. No words deserve to describe that. Its too individual.]

3. Acceptance: Okay go wash then put them clothes in the drier, let it stay for 1 1/2 hr, let the drier IRON your uniforms. Hahahahaha.

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While you watch the drier spinning, here goes your mind relaxing, then sudden realizations come caving in from your attic cat.

‘So this drier spinning reminds me that the world is round and it keeps on revolving. What goes around, comes around. What goes up must come down then it goes up again. Yey! Excitement should die for another excitement to be born again.’

That’s it.

Then the musical tune of the drier snaps you back to reality.  You take out your clothes, now fully IRONED, very NEAT, CLEAN and WARM. (Capslock to make it intense, oh why do I always bother explaining) . Maybe you can become like that. Maybe God is IRONING your life for you to become one of His best creatures. Yes, you will become one. You’re almost there, just hold on to the rod. KAYA MO YAN.

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It’s Fighting Time Buttercup!!!!!!!!

Take Me Back To Wonderland

I’m a boring person, only stays at home, reading books, listening to talks and speeches, annoying my family, hating the cat of my sister, eating as much as my stomach sausage can capacitate, sleeping in action like the hands of a wall clock. I’m not really into travel because I can see most people do that. Okay, they’re enjoying but with the ulterior motive to show off to the fb world and make pa-sosyal. Call me rude but that’s what I see to some or maybe to all including the hypocritical me. Then and again, what matters most is the wonderful feeling it brings by that moment. And happiness is ought to be shared and bound to be contagious. So let me sprinkle some tiny bits of that moment.

Started the year right. My mother, baby sister and I visited Hongkong, the main highlight is when we visited the happiest place on earth- Disneyland. It started with the parade of all my childhood fantasy idols. I saw the princesses winking & waving back at us, cross-eyed Tinkerbell sticking out her tongue (that was funny), Mickey Mouse dancing to the beat, Simba & Tarzan with the jungle plots coupled with Disney music. Hearing the theme songs and seeing them in actual relived the heart- filling & breaking moments during childhood. Moments when we were in front of the TV seeing the betamax swallow the tape and then the logo of Walt Disney appears. I remember back then, I wanna be in  Wonderland, I tried to go inside the television and ended up hitting my head of course. That’s my honest centration logic when I was 5, thinking that I’d be a giant if I could enter in hayyss that’s so lacking of conservation psyche and I hope Piaget could understand lol.

I used my tab to take a video of the parade and while doing that I couldn’t stop sobbing but I must stop for the sake of my eyeliner, ooh stop! Imagine the struggle? My eyeliner made me look mental and that was a major major contributing factor why 91% of my photos sucks. Couldn’t stop crying cus beside me was a chinky-eyed toddler with her dad and I remember this was my childhood dream. (Insert* A dream is a wish that your heart desire*) I’ve realized buried deep within my heart, I had longingly desired to meet my childhood friends and here they are.

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This is the house of Pooh & Friends. My close friend Danica used to collect Pooh items at grade school but I don’t fancy Pooh that much before except the Pooh Cotton Candy being sold in a mini store  infront of our school (so yummy). When I had a lot of lone time in Saudi, I submerged  myself to children’s book, including Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne and since then evey words of Pooh &friends are in my pores and felt it gushing when I experienced leaving people behind. Truly reading the children’s books when I was a kid was just pictures and imaginations while reading it in my adulthood is so meaningful to life converting it into abstract emotions and perspectives.

 

From Denial to Acceptance, I had my grip on Pooh’s intense lines.

Continue reading

Gifts & Curses of a Clumsy Head

 

#1 CURSE: At family dinner, you stumble a glass of water and everyone’s freaking out from their seats

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Uh-uh

GIFT: You were able to pump up a boring family dinner tradition

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some get mad while some wud laugh


#2 CURSE: You can’t count the plates and glasses you break when you wash the dishes and your parents scold you for that.

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Sorry, parents.i didn’t mean to break your wedding gifts

GIFT: Less plates to wash! Yassss! My plan works!!!!

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#3 CURSE: Every gauze, syringe, pen, gauge something needle would fly while you search before you hand the final & precious size of cath your Doctor asks you to find

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Here it is doc

GIFT: At least of all the nurses in whites, your crush doctor stares at you in AWE

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SLAY


#4 CURSE:Cleaning is getting it done 2x the workload cus you have to clean again what you just spilled

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GIFT: Repetition makes you perfect.

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Ayayy Captain!!


#5 CURSE: You tired and hungry and you go str8 to your ref and when you open it, a piece of foood fell down and made a mess so you have to clean the floor, you end up TIRED, TIRED, HUNGRY.

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Gift: You will lose your will to cook and eat, you just doze off to bed. Eliminating the tired.✖ tired.✖ hungry. ✖

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Why me, Lord? Why crappy things happen to me?


#6 CURSE: You wearing eyeliners on to work but you have the mannerism of forgetting it all and rubbing your eyes while thinking

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What did I do?

Gift: You’ll be discouraged to wear make up again hence you won’t have a toxic duty. Cus whenever you wear make up it’s toxic. You could ask other nurses as well

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#7 CURSE: There were times when you unintentionally tripped off with the iv line of the patient upon your long awaited exit

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GIFT: You were able to make your patient laugh. It’s actually humour therapy you see

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See what nurse can do


#8 CURSE: You never ever wear whites on dates

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Or else you’ll get doomed

GIFT: You can still make pa-cute tho

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SLAY


And lastly

#9 CURSE: You watching dr. House and he sees the clumsiness of Thirteen and frankly says, “You have Huntington’s”

Oh my it’s so me!!! I have those symptoms too… (sobbbbing)

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GIFT:Cure me Dr House!

 

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[Photos c/o Google]

[Based on the story of my clumsy life]

5pm Thoughts

A chlorophyll to my leaf, color my world

A nectar to my Gumamela, sweeten my bittercup

A mitochondrion to my cell, energize me well

A frame to my portrait, hold me still

Green to my red wheel, make it complementary

Mango to my yoghurt, pump up my satiety

Scarf to my knee, arrest my bleed

Side rails to my bed, protect me from falling

Water to my tumbler, keep me alive on summer

Pole to my flag, stand up lift me high

Mole to my skin, don’t leave me

Thread to my dress, keep me together

Paint to my art, don’t bore me

Wrinkles to my face, testify of my beauty

Cling unto my hand, i’ll be your lobster.691760_1303060040560_full