Get Doomed!

Wake up just to feel yourself dying, hating your job, not exactly the job itself but the toxicity & the powerful crooks, they make you feel miserable the whole time, extracting all the energy left in you. Gotta sleep more to let your body anabolize but instead your cells are catalyzing more of what you’ve got and you end up exhausted from snoozing.

Am I getting thin being a damsel in distress? Nope. You’re still fat. Fat, fat, fat. Ugly & fat. I dunno why but when I mock myself, I feel better. When I punish myself, I feel less guilty of the mistakes I mistakenly do to others. If I do mistake, I feel like I’m the worst person in the world. Questioning myself if I am sane enough to do the bad stuff I had done & I can’t change a thing about it. I don’t like disappointing people, I don’t wanna be a subject of gossip, I am too paranoid to think the things that might happen, is already happening, doesn’t actually happen but still think it’s happening. And I am that kind of person, neurotic, got a defective wire in my brain and it’s gonna stay that way forever.

When I commit mistake, I’m thinking, why am I still alive? What’s the essence of me existing? Being humiliated to people, I will never get used to it or immune by it. If I convince myself that all is well, everything’s gonna be alright…My worries still outweigh my optimistic mantra chant. I’m still afraid what’s gonna be next? I’m done with level 1, level 2, level 3 humiliation.. If I wake up and face people, am I gonna experience the level 4? I hope it’s done. It’s all done. Now that I am still hanging & not losing grip to being a bit hopeful.

To the people I disappoint, I am sorry for being a pathological liar. You can spank me, make me kneel in front of you, beat me like a bad servant, just give me your precious forgiveness, that’s all I ask. To the people who gossip about me, please don’t judge me about my single mistake. To the people who hate me & think this is my karma, you can do that to me but please don’t wish karma to other people. Good karma is good and bad karma is bad. And we should never wish anything bad to a person. I will keep in mind, “Do unto others, what you want others to do unto you.” This will help me to be better, and be careful the next time. I am aiming for perfection, but if I do mistake, I wish I will not do the same again. I am more than my mistake. I hope it will not overpower the good things I contributed to life.

And to my dear God, for being so gracious to me..thank you for giving me Angels in this world. My support system is the best and I know your divine intervention is all I ever need right now. Continue to pour your warmth and comforting words to me, O God. I rest my case. Thy will be done. I love you so much Father. I will serve thee with all my heart and soul. Everyday is a thank-you day because you’re giving me the chance to make up and prove to myself that I am worth living for.

We have different perspective of thinking. You might think you’re just right, but to the other person he is the one who is right. Which is which. It doesn’t really matter. God see the whole perspective of everything. Move on and keep going. This is a note to self and to the others struggling with personal issues like me. Don’t take this seriously, I am full of exaggeration. I am a mass of contradictions. I will get through I know. #keepgoing

🇿🇦 Perks of Having a Foreigner Boyfriend 🇵🇭


I’m just a girl…standing beside my foreigner boo observing how our 2 worlds are completely different from each other.
Like how?

#1 is FOOD
He only eats beef or chicken when we go to Filipino restaurants. Even when we go to buffet, he would only appreciate the beef. And that’s it.
He’s not a fan of rice. He’s a potato head (lol). I remember him flipping his slipper, just to get rid of a sticky rice that was stuck on it while we walking out from the resto.

So there’s this pre-filled sago balls in glasses for the Gulaman drinks. And he doesn’t know about it. So he ended up getting a glass with sago balls and put water on it. He was wondering what was the purpose of sago balls? Why put them in a glass?… Oh dear, it looks odd.

In their country, once they were 18 they became independent from their parents, rent their own apartment and take care of their own selves. Very diff from our practice. I definitely stayed with my parents til I was 22 yrs old and started working abroad since then. My parents paid much for my college and I owe much from them, I am who I am right now because them. For Asians the financial umbilical cord isn’t cut @ 18. So it’s a practice for us to always give back. But for them, it’s different..they can help each other as a family but never obliged to pay back.. the parents will continue working til they become old and unable to do so. They are so independent financially which is a good thing I guess.

He’s way more matured than me…well people who knew me would expect that even without knowing him. I annoy him a lot and he’s not liking it. And even if he wants me to stop, I really can’t. I just can’t help it, I’m all over him and I tend to notice every lil silly things and make fun of it. He’s damn serious bout it, but guess what I would still keep teasing him!

#4 Language
He would always correct my grammar, intonation, proper pronunciation just because he’s a linguist. I think my English is not bad.. I even used to teach English to Koreans online before I became a full-pledged nurse.. thanks to myEOL,boss Alwin and Ate Marcelle, they trained me well. But then I’m a Filipino, I’m not born English speaker. I went to countries speaking carabao English. I’m not as good as him, that’s so given. And when I’m angry at him, most of the time it’s because he can’t understand me. One time, out of frustration I threw my phone and started crying. He’s trying to pacify me but still I can see he’s hiding his laugh. It’s so hard to argue using the English language. It’s hard to pick up the words And it’s hard to get rid of my ilocana accent. Well, it should get better in time…hope so.

Living here in the middle east is like swimming in a boiling water… It’s for real, you can count our fallen hair strands as witnesses. We get rid of the sun and usually use long sleeves since Abaya isnt required in this place. (I used to wear Abaya back in Saudi, I actually miss wearing it during summer.) Just because I don’t wanna damage my skin, I sometimes mummify myself with a veil or head scarf. And even if the mall is near I prefer using the cab instead of walking. But for him, since he’s white, he loves getting tanned by the sun. Walking on sunshine wohoooow while her girlfriend is all covered by scarf with an umbrella. Arguing inside the taxi why we have to take the taxi, with the taxi driver siding him of course. Oh well… I’m anemic and has skin condition, and exposure to the sun at bad hours are not advisable. Deal with it.

#6 …….

Am I bashing my boyfriend? Kinda. Am I complaining? Probably. Am I gonna give up? Never. There might be lots of complexities and situations to settle but actually our feelings and affection to each other are golden bridges that bind us together. Plus, We share the same religion which has a great impact to our culture. I met him at the church. Got our first date at the gym. Experienced long distance relationship for half a year. I’ve visited his awesome country, got to meet his humble family. Now working on the same country tho we are an emirate apart. Conflicts are always there, esp on my schedule but hey we’re working it out.


☁️ A heaven-sent compact printer for memory keepers ☁️

Living in my twenties, I’ve seen how technology transitioned our life from simple to a complex wonder. When I was a kid and my parents would bring me to pay visit to their old friends’ house, while they were chatting about some adult stuffs, I would keep myself busy by looking at the photo albums of the family I barely know. I mean, at least by looking at those pictures, I could at least have a clue of what the family was like. Anyway, nuff said. In high school my friends used to print our friendship photos. Up until college wherein social media sites became the new craze.. From Friendster to Facebook, we would take pictures and just upload them to our social media wall and that’s it. The social media became our virtual albums. No need to go flipping our friends photo albums on the table of their sala room. A stalker could benefit on that as well. We barely print photos since everything is all out & so public in Facebook or Instagram, even people’s skin it’s inside out these days. What I’m saying is, if you are born in the 90s and below, you probably missed what’s been missing the whole time you’re doing selfies. Every time I go for vacation, I always gather my family for a family photo in a studio just to have a print out I mean hard copy of our photos and that could be so hectic.

That’s why when I saw this HP Sprocket, I was totally amazed cus it’s so handy, like if you go traveling, you can just print your photos in an instant. It’s smaller than my phone and maybe just twice as thick of it, it’s even ink free so no need for refill, you can personalize the photo with emojis or whatever, you can just charge it using an android charger (anyway charger is included in the box), there’s free 10 sticker photo paper, and it can be easily printed, just download the ‘hp sprocket mobile app’ and connect it to bluetooth, just like sharing something thru bluetooth, so basic, easy peasy. To a dummy & stubborn person I am, it is a relief.


Why not just choose Polaroid? Naah… to a non-photogenic person like me who has to find my best angle by taking multiple selfies (yeah 20-50 selfies), it’s not convenient nor practical to use Polaroid cam. Aside from that, the polaroid films are too expensive. 50 sheets sticker photo papers are worth 79 aed.  And I think that’s cool. You can just choose the good ones you want to print and voila, there you have it girl! What’s the sense of having Iphone 7 plus or Samsung Galaxy 8 plus with nicer & grander pixels if you don’t print it out? Hp Sprocket will make you feel that buying your new smartphone is all worth it. It’s an amazing invention, I could use it when I go on vacation. Anywhere place I go, I could just bring it with me using a small bag. Of all gadgets, this is the one I really fell in love with without being forced or feeling coerced by sales-talking people. I am fueled by pure elation buying this in Sharaf DG.

It’s a heaven-sent, til now can’t get over it. It’s something divine. Can’t wait to explore the world wishing I could capture rainbow of endless flowers.




#HpSprocket #ilovehpsprocket


Getting Old, Getting Classic


5 days off!!!! I am thinking to go somewhere else, to achieve that transcendental state, to know thyself well…says who? Naaah. I’m here, cuddling my own blanket and pillow baby. Sleeping more than my sister does, yeah I sleep 12-16 hours a day. Procrastinating and doing nothing than stalking my idols on instagram, waiting for the new posts of Angel Locsin and hating every post of Jessy. What’s wrong with me, being unproductive is making me a social media addict, more addict than before. Taking a meal once a day, bed rest with bathroom privileges. If I could just use a diaper while lying on my bed, I would do that, cus peeing is an interruption to happiness and distracting my sweetdreams. Lol. Good side of it, man I lose 1 kg, I’m back to 40s baby. haha. But yeah gotta read something inspirational, I promise I will feast upon the scriptures starting today. Promise!!! Gotta feed the good wolf inside me!




High school and college got me into fighting time mode like I’m trying to save the world, like the powerpuffs, fighting for what I know is right when I see someone’s wrong. Some did misinterpret me because I admit when I fight back, it was kinda rude. Most people hated me while some true friends stayed. But now just thinking about it, I find it so sissy. Now that I’m on my late 20s, when somebody annoys me, in my mind, I’m breaking her bones, pulling the hair while I walk to make her realize her mistakes- but it stays there, on my mind. haha. I am too lazy bringing up the bull out of me and I feel like I’m ’bout to shine bright like diamond in the sky, busy ripening to perfection, so let those twisted thoughts be dumped into my attic cat.




During my teen years, I exercise regularly. I  had my routine. I wake up at 3am studying for exam, 5am go to Marcos Stadium jogging for 30 minutes then prepare to school at 6am. Now that I am working and earning on my own, I enrolled myself to the gym and ended up gaining more weight so I was discouraged after that.  So now this is me, having the desire to exercise but ended up being lazy. After work, I am even lazy  to take a bath, lazy to move a finger to turn off the light. Even lazier to reach my tumbler to have some water to drink. I’m too lazy I gotta marry, I could hardly do it on my own. If my bf says he will treat me like a queen, then he gotta make it real cus I’ll be the laziest girl he ever have!



Getting old, is getting fat. Yup! Gone are the days where you can eat a lot and stay thin. Say hello to big arms that are not proportion to your body and for that fluffy tummy they accentuate your fat cheeks! Hello also to those lousy clothes, say goodbye to fitted jeans and blouses, it’s been quite a journey, they will be missed.


Rooting for this day.. So I could totally eradicate my fear of getting fat. haha


'According to this blood work, you're 80% cake.'

Care about blood work up? I do. Being a nurse at late twenties, makes me more be aware of my body. I do get checked about my labs cus who knows what’s wrong with my blood. Signs come first before symptoms. I don’t have to feel it first before checking. Better be sure than regret at the end. All of the people of my age should do the same thing, no matter what profession you are into. Stress aberrates the hormones.



Real talk. Even if you are super-ultra-mega tired, you still have to be that fairy god mother waving your wand to make your patients feel better. You have to because that’s your job. You are on your own now, you have to work or else you’ve got no food on your plate, no money for your dependents, no house to live, no money on your bank account. You’re a big girl now. And big girls don’t cry no matter the situation is, remember that! You are here to work! And who says that money doesn’t make the world go round? It does my dear. You gotta work to stay alive and money will keep you alive. Again this is real talk, not your fairy tale, Utopia kind of talk.



Yeah til now, I’m not used to it.  Especially if the one calling you Ma’am is way older than you.. I know it’s just them being courteous and try to sell stuffs but still it’s kinda awkward. Because of them calling you Ma’am repeatedly, you tryna portray a more matured Madam kind of thing, and it just doesn’t suit you because you have a baby face and it makes you look more awkward. Just because you have a credit card, they are calling you Ma’am. Try looking like a beggar and you won’t hear a thing. The inequality of man. Never a communism will exist in this world, only in heaven.

ah This is a true story.





When I was a girl I used to pretend looking like a lady. Going to school wearing my red high heels, I could even run to my next class with my heels on, now I’m amazed just thinking about it. But now that I’m an adult I prefer comfortable slip in cloth sandals. I’ve got lots of shoes like most women do, but I use the same sandals. Except during church of course. When I am forced to use my heels just because I have a tall boyfriend, I am always complaining while walking even if the destination is just nearby. Who says high heels give you a good feel? It actually sucks.



Getting old and still doesn’t know how to use make up, oh that’s classic. I remember when I had my date and my colleague put on mascara on my brows and I ended up scratching my eyes during the date, wow that’s classic. Since then, I vowed not to use liners nor mascara. No powder since the workplace is air- conditioned,  no contouring since I really dunno how. I’ll just smile as needed,  and take advantage of being Asian. (They said Asians look younger than their age)



Getting old is getting classic. Before I try to impress people that I should look cool in their eyes. Now I am more on trying to impress my God so that I look cool in His eyes. Been working on it since primary years, but this time I am more serious. Trying to figure out myself is drawing me closer to Him. I still commit mistakes, but I’m trying to get better, to be in sync with God. It’s a long and a lifetime process but I am willing to get into that journey of knowing Him more. Avoiding to be hypocrite and judgmental to other people is my goal, because I know my God is a God of justice and mercy. Everyday, I am a witness of God’s grace, truly my family is in God’s grace and I am grateful for that.


Tho sometimes I’m scared, so scared. I still put my trust on Him no matter how slippery the slide is.



This is the best meme ever!

Getting old, getting classic, is getting to know more about God’s goodness.

God is good. He’s in everybody’s business.  👆👆👆👆👆🙌👏


#gettingold #gettingclassic #gettingclosetoHim



3 Lil Monkeys in Thailand 🍉🍉🍉

Hi! I am up to scattering sunshine than casting shadow… My aim is to make you fall in love with Thailand and to compile all our photos (mostly mine hihi) rather than posting it one by one on fb. Not necessarily give trivias about the tell you frankly, i didn’t learn much about the places just because I was busy taking pictures (my bad), i would still try to educate tho.

When I traveled to South Africa, my soul is always wanting to have my family with me while visiting the places, i was like, ‘Oh they must see this, they must taste this awesome worsh too.’ My younger siblings are more deserving to play with cubs since they are the real lovers of pets. It’s happy traveling alone or with your significant other and it could have been happier if  your family could see the other wonders of the world too. We tried to do that, but since we are all adults in the family- time, school, work and physical stamina are of issues to some. I am still grateful that I was able to travel with my younger siblings, Sandra & Dimple and being with them exploring Thailand is such a roller coaster delight. And I hope when we all get older if God permits, this blog could be seen by our future children and they would get inspired by the bond we have and realize that this is what family is all about.

Me and my sister allotted some of our lil earnings for this trip. It won’t hurt that much if you spend it for leisure esp if you’re with your family. It is always important to give back. Just to see them happy makes me happy as well. This break is much needed after accomplishing our exams and nursing our pets and families for 3 weeks in the Philippines. It was 4 days and 3 nights. We spent half day magnetized by our beds and the other half were like us being self satisfied Columbus-explorers searching for a lost land.

I must say during our stay, our anxiety had spread out on those days of smiling sunshines and white lilies. And we left Thailand so energized like the bull elephants on charge!


Here’s the mini-cherry on top of the regular cherry on top of the sundae of awesomeness- that is the Elephant Riding! I though we would be like princesses riding on elephants, never did I imagine that it would be so thrilling and full of oohhss and ahhhs. It was really scary and at the same time fun cus Im with my siblings, we were screaming and laughing our lungs out, like whoahhh we didn’t expect it. We thought it would just be like riding a horse. This baby elephants are real giants with gigantic po0poos.



And yes, we did still manage to paste a smile on our faces like fuzzzzz


I am that genuinely happy, oh dear, saves a lot of eustress in my heart


And oooh we are that sad, getting off the elephant. It’s worth the 30 minute bumpy ride! Thank you King of the Jungle!



Bye elephants, thank you for the thriller ride~


We actually road a boat going to the floating market where we could go to the Elephant Riding station.


I am that worried because our tourist guide did not show up and we paid already everything. And we only have this day to experience the elephant ride, so we used our remaining money and I am that anxious the guide won’t give us our money back. Supposedly we can only have a ride for my siblings but upon knowing our situation, our taxi driver persuaded the Thai guy to give us extra ticket so that we could go all for the ride! It’s just a proof that good samaritans come in all shapes and sizes.


Coconut ice cream for lunch anyone!




300 STEPS going up to Wat Sake and it’s worth every step! Along the way are these happy statues and garlands on top making you feel like a fairy adventurer


He used to look like that when he was a kid hehe


Believe me when I say I could be more annoying than these!



Channeling my inner anne curtis pitch! I’ll never be serious my whole life!


This kind of weather after the rain was so therapeutic, we could just wear our skin out!


Thanks for spreading happy virus to us, you might be a non- life statue but your laughter is so contagious we carried it all the way touring your temple young boy, Kob kun ka!



On the daytime, we visited Wat Intharawihan! Could you imagine..this was the haven for the prisoners of war provided by their King. And the temple had a priest officiating them. A proof that humans are all treated like humans. The king must have loved the lost sheeps.
Inside the temple, buddhist offer mackerel, flowers &boiled eggs as they pray. Pretty much the olden times, where jews offer lambs for prayer.

Wonder whats inside…


Last feb 2016, I was able to visit the Global Village in Dubai, I saw the facade of this temple as Thailand’s iconic pavilion. I’m so happy I’ve got to see the real one. Can’t believe it. It’s amazing!



Here’s how to keep it cool but at the same time posing for a quick photo~




I couldn’t care less while walking



After taking a nap, we were like hungry wolves searching for something to eat..we stayed in Bangkok Inn, and it’s a humble place to stay plus the shops are highly accessible there. We arrived at this food market outside the mall and guess what our eyes started twinkling again!


This Thai entertainer along the street represents a Thai spirit- silently funny and full of life



Of all the food selection, the Pad Thai is what amazed me the most. It’s very interesting how they cook it. If mangoes and bananas are the main products in the Phils, in Thailand, watermelon is their push over product. Watermelon juice, fruit, purse, passport notebook, shirt, etc.



Street foods stole our hearts!!!




Breakfast buffet at the hotel. They served lotssaa soup and greens, i love it! Can’t believe veggies could be this delishhhh. And their boiled midget hotdogs are our fave, in fact we carry them all along during our tour as our emergency food if you know what I mean haha


Our first selfie as we landed in the Thailand airport. We knew we’re excited about Thailand but never expected the bountiful moments we collected vacationing there. I love my country Philippines, the more I travel to places the more I appreciate my own country irregardless of the politics and poverty. Thank you for the love Thailand!!!!

A lotus symbolizes a PURE SPIRIT. Growing from the mud and dirty water, a lotus is able to RISE UP from it beautifully and with purity.

‘He who is lowborn may develop himself like the lotus growing out of the mire. The followers of Buddha shines above others thru their wisdom, like the lotus.’

#thailand #bangkok

🐯A Sweet Escape To South Africa🐯

Scaffolding my life to the fullest…

Hey! Got my blogging ball rolling!! Sometimes I lose steam due to some toxic circumstances but as they said, don’t let your momentum be ruined by a single cockroach. So I just gotta let my mind flow and here we go.

Here’s a true story. Ofw routine- work,eat then sleep, with a lot of browsing the fb and ig in between. While browsing, I see people traveling here and there. Enjoying nature or snow, taking pictures of buildings and statues, hangin’ out to popular restos with their in demand gadgets, like okay, how lucky are they. I’ve noticed this trend, like if someone goes to this overrated place, others would delve and the heck they would go there too and there’s nothing wrong with that. Just saying. Haha

Well, so many things hàppen in life and it’s really exhausting and suffocating to be with your emo baggage shadowing you behind. Hard to people, hard to enjoy. Until one spike of event triggered me to take my step and say I gotta do this. It’s now or never. I’ve gotta say it’s just an impulse, not really part of the plan..But since certain events didn’t go as it planned to be, well then I gotta take my chances to be happy. Yup. I’ll go to South Africa to take a break from this very hard LDR relationship. To where my boyfriend is, it’s where my heart is. Haha

At first I was hesitant cus it’s gonna cost me a lot, but I’ve realized I’ve been spending tons on clothes,shoes,food which gives me temporary bliss, I’ve been a responsible contributor to my family fees and that gives me a feeling of satisfaction but at the same time feel burdened as well..And now maybe this is my time to be completely happy. To have the backbone to be brave in love (lol) and get rid of the walls of fear that keeps me caged in, break the should-be-the-man-doing-everything-to-the-girl tradition. Maybe I could do the other way around.

I have a 🌽 corny thought… I subconsciously sang Vanessa Carlton’s,

‘Cus you know I’d walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight’

And it made me think. Oh no, I can’t do that. That would cost me my job, my health, my skin and for sure I will not be able to reach SA on foot cus I’m not good in maps. (Yurrryt I’m taking it too literally) But here’s the thing, I’ll continue with the lyrics..

‘Cus I need you and I miss you, and now I will really fly to South Africa if I could just see you…If I could just hold you, tonight.’

Uhm,it’s all worth it. With him it’s all worth it. If the universe is conspiring to delay our plans to be together, to hell with the universe, we only belong to one earth it’s just a one plane ride away and I’m with this man.

Just like the 🌟 stars, our wonderful moments are countless and these photos I am sharing are just a ✊ fistful of it.

To the person who cared to take a peek on this blog:

Hey I’m not trying to make people jealous, ldr relationship sucks, it’s like a labyrinth. You might even have a better relationship than what I have. And hey, don’t think that my social life is full of highlight reels, that I am so successful i can travel anywhere…A Huge NO. I’m just like you…Full of afflictions and trials I have to go through with just a tinge of upper syndrome. It’s like trial happiness trial trial happiness..Trialtrialtrial happiness.. I’m just sharing this cus I’m proud of the açt of bravery I did, something I didn’t imagine to do in my entire life. I’m just like you, a human being constantly beaten by trials, dwarfed by the world, to the point of even limping and having a dramatic meltdown, but just like you, I DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. WE ALL DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.


For a moment i felt like I’m a proverbial breath of fresh air


Flights got delayed, parks were closed on Mondays so we just gotta take a lil nip in Walter Sisulo Botanical Garden. For a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down in the most delightful way. Yep, it’s a song haha


Like I can waltz the cradle even with a blindfold.

This is called the Cradle of Humankind. When I googled it I just find it amazing to take a picture outside. But as always, there’s more to it insulated inside. We had water rides touring us to different rock formation, lava, all something bout geology stuffs. So it’s like a sci-fi tour mainly tackling about evolution thing. It’s called Cradle of Humankind cus as claimed, the Australopithecus remains are found here. Do I make sense? It’s 0130h right now so I don’t know if I’m saying things straight. Hehe


He’s like the pleasant earthly smell after the rain


I believe in evolution except the theory of us evolving from apes. I believe in dinosaurs, Lamarck’s natural selection, Giants and the like but no not the thing with the apes please. Satan will say 20 truths for us to believe in 1 lie. That’s according to my mentor, Pres. Manahan. My God is not an ape.


If they claimed that this specific era is the survival of the fittest, I couldn’t have survived back then..a wild animal could have just devoured me while im smiling sweetly at the corner.


Elemento: wind, fire& earth


I AM THIS HAPPY WHEN I’M WITH YOU MISTER BREDENKAMP! Love you to the 🌒 moon and back



So we went to Rhino Park and get up close to the animals while strolling their home- turned- park. And this zebra is having the time of his life walking on our way, like he doesn’t care. YOLO zebra


I only see him in puzzles before. Happy to meet him. He doesn’t look happy tho. Poor lil thing, maybe he wants a more spacious wild.




Humbly kneeling, sweet appealing that he will stay with me no matter how beast I am. (Trying to look calm but actually I’m very scared inside)


I’m not that obvious, am I? These baby tigers are cute but still they are TIGERS, real tigers, and I hope they’re just cartoons


So I’m always at his back all the time actually haha


These baby lions are introverts. Don’t tryna burst their bubble. Oh my friends and sister are somewhat like them haha. No invasion of territory pls.


This is actually my food when I arrived in Dubai airport. Turkey cheesy bacon, it’s kinda costly but thanks to my patient who became my angel she gave me a pocket money as a result of my hardwork. Lol


I don’t know how to end this blog. Really not good in closure. Maybe I could try it with this picture of a great wall with a great guy photobombing it? Hehe


I’ll keep coming back to South Africa, I swear.

The world isn’t all cupcakes& rainbows. .



“You with a sad eyes, don’t be discourage oh I realize it’s hard take courage. In a world full of people, you can lost sight of it all.. The darkness inside you makes you feel so small”


I can say this to a friend but actually when I sing it out of the blue, wether I’m infront of the mirror starin’ at my reflection or not, I’m actually singing this to myself..Yeah..I’m pacifying my own self. Sometimes I would isolate myself from the crowd, tap my back while saying, ‘it’s  okay, you’ll get through this, you’ll be okay soon,Len.’ I am learning that challenges are normal things in life. And tho it really comes uninvitedly I still ask, ‘why? Why me? Why can’t I be happy..’

Okay you go out eat in a fine dine resto, eat all of your cravings, have a dose of shopping (loads of doses), have a makeover but at the end of the day…you still face the same sh**, contemplating on it, why?? I feel so drained… I have friends, good friends but still feels empty, I’m homesick, I wanna go home but I have a goal and my pinky finger is still clinging on it… I feel like a tiny seed implanted deep in the soil, no sunlight, no air, no CO2, no water, are they bypassing me? Hey I’m here… I need nourishment too.

‘Show me your smile don’t be unhappy can’t remember when I last saw you laughin’…. If this world makes you crazy and you’ve taken all our can’t bear, just call me up cus you know I’ll be there’


As I grow quantitatively, my laughs decrease in number. I used to be a happy -go- lucky type of girl, a hyperactive one. I’m the most talkative person in my family, I’m so loud I make them happy, even at school, my squad used to be the ice breaker in the class… I still laugh but can only count them using my fingers… Not same like before as countless as the grains of the sand (borrowed from the lines of Abram).. I also used to smile always, true or fake smiles, I do them a lot. But now I have to show my gameface, that pokerface so no one will take advantage of it, yeah people steal sunshine if you know what I mean.

When I think of other people’s challenges I find mine a small one.. but why is it still hard to bear? Am I not that resilient enough? Is this an effect of transitioning to a fully butterflied adult? I’m so powerless…This toxic life is hitting me hard.

I see your true colors shining thru.. I see your true colors and that’s why I love you.. So don’t be afraid to let them show your true colors…. True colors.. A beautiful like a rainbow…


When I watched the movie Trolls, it says there happiness is within us, you just gotta find it… I’m still perplexed with that thought in mind. I find the church and listen to the word of God, am I happy? I find a person peeking thru the door saying he wants to listen to the Gospel, I let him in, I realize how blessed  I am to have known the Gospel since childhood, am I happy? I find a God-fearing man to love and he’s loving me back, am I happy? I find a coin and put it inside my purse, thinking that a coin could make up a million peso, am I happy? I find time to review to reach my goal and pass my exam to eliminate my still unscratched what-if in life, am I happy? I find a piece of paper with a lil girl’s writing on it asking my mom not to leave her and that she loves her, am I happy? I have the opportunity to hug babies and bathe them, am I happy? I find 2 comfy soft blanket that wrapped me into a sushi when I sleep, am I happy? God provides me what I need thru other people (random ones oh they’re angels) wether thru hard cash, care bears,or prayers, am I happy?

Now judge me am I happy or not?Cus I really don’t understand what I do feel now. The world isn’t all cupcakes and rainbows but hey maybe….Maybe it is..Says Poppy. You got me contemplating on it a lot Poppy, takes out all the Branch in me.

A beautiful like a rainbow…


Photos c/o google

Newt Schamander & The Fantastic Beasts And How To React To Them

There you go Potterheads! No more sobbing, this is it! We could finally breathe again. Let’s get back to the era of Newt Schamander and his very interesting way of finding and rearing his fantastic Beasts all fitted inside his briefcase. Gryffindor has been the all time fave all throughout the hp series and this time it’s Hufflepuffs character on the spotlight. Yep. Newt is a Hufflepuff, together with Leta Lestrange (his bestfriend & first love) they love to collect fantastic Beasts. Well we dunno exactly how their tragic relationship ended up to, all i know is Lestrange did something that endangered Hogwarts but Schamander took the blame so he ended up being expelled.(Poor Dumbledore, Newt was his favorite student) So the story goes to Newt’s adventure of chasing fantastic Beasts in New York. He met his Nomaj friend Jacob and his future wife Tina Goldstein. Them 3 have fair share of crazy and fun moments collecting the missing fantastic Beasts.


Here’s the new trio. Jacob is the muggle friend, the funny & innocent to magic; Newt, the very compassionate to Beasts, petting them and teaching them to be of good use; Tina who tried to live by the rules but her pure heart stands along the way which lead her to be demoted from being an Auror.


Its somewhat like ron-harry-hermione kind of ship..But still nothing compares to these 3 naughty kids….


Here’s Newt preparing a mixture of juice spell for his pets, inside his suitcase is a magical place where he hide his pet Beasts. (Now I’m understanding my baby sister more. She pets 9 creatures, they could be good friends if both of them are non fictional characters.)


He occasionally let Jacob come with him to feed his flocks. And Jacob always gasps in amazement seeing those fantastic creatures. He then will forget everything after he come out from the suitcase.

Well that thing actually is Pickett the bowtruckle, he has an attachment-abandonment issues. He only liked Newt and no one else. He is so protective, he helped Newt escaped from being tortured to death. But he was totally devastated when Newt has no choice but to give him in exchange to the goblin gangster to obtain information about the last missing beast. Good thing Newt was able to rescue him back to his top pocket.


Here’s when Picket told Newt in a swishing sound that they need to talk. It’s funny when hee confronted him and Newton tried to explain but still won’t buy his reasons. And when Newt asked him to give him a smile…


Here’s his cute &  sweet gesture: he stick his tongue out

What a cute tiny beast, him being protective&helpful to Newt reminds me of Dobby to Harry Potter (I love dobby the most tho) & him being naughty & attached to Newt reminds me of Tinkerbell to Peter pan. What a good mix.


Here’s the Demiguise. the invisibility cloak was woven using their hair. From the name itself, a demiguise can become invisible.  This petite doll eyed creature was seen baby sitting the large Occamy (a big bird). It just shows that size doesn’t matter, it’s the quality of care that you give that matters most. If you have the sincerity to take care of someone, whatever your size is, your instinct will play next and everything will roll out just fine. Just trust your guts. You can pet someone and you would be so proud how big he is now because of your care. (Here I am again, twentysixing, on the road to motherhood I hope).


That dramatic cockroach in a teapot moment lol. That’s the only way to tame an Occamy, use the cockcroach as a bait then contain it inside the teapot. I got dizzy everytime Newt is chasing the beasts but still I have to stay and watch the show cus I know it would be very interesting and visually arresting. Well knowing jk.


For as much as I ship Tina goldstein and Newt Scamander together, I’m still curious about how Leta Lestrange and Newt relationship went through…they share the same passion and hobby.. well, every love story is unique, no matter how tragic it is.

Newt might still not over leta lestrange and that story will be told in the next film I guess. But events are inevitable..and it will send him back to Tina, who stick on his side, has a pure heart and together they stayed on the good side.


Here’s how it all started. Tina is that desperate to save her reputation  after being demoted as an Audit by catching Newt petting creatures which is forbidden in the US but people are people Tina, they won’t believe you once you lose their trust & they are into the adage ‘to see is to believe, that’s how shallow the law is.


And it ended up like this. It’s so obvious that he still not over Lestrange, but upon parting with Tina he gently touched her hair showing his budding affection to her…and it’s a sign that it’s not over…it’s not yet over guys!!! They will meet up pretty soon!

I am touched when Newt helped his nomaj friend Jacob to have his own business. He exchanged his suitcase to a suitcase of Occamy’s eggshell that can be used as a collateral in establishing his own bakery. Though Jacob’s memory has to be obliviated, somewhere in his attic schemata, there are fragments he did remember as evident in the beast pastries designs he’ve made

One cannot just obliviate a memory. If it matters much to you, you cannot really forget it. You can suppress, repress or mask it, but it would still keep on coming back . Life goes on…just let it be.

Here’s what to hope for on the next film:


Maybe in the next films they will show how Grindelwald stole the elder wand and how dumbledore bested him making dumbledore he owner of it. I hope in the 2nd film he setting would be in Hogwarts but naah I heard it’s in Paris. If Johnny Depp will play gallery Grindelwald, who will play dumbledore then? I’m so excited to know more of the tragic grindelwald-dumbledore bromance. We will see more of the true colors of dumbledore.. the tragic fate history of his parents and sister’s death and how he fight for them.

Photos credited to google

Steady State Dreaming



The leaf that demands life to the tree… inhale, exhale… gracefully shaken by the wind in a spring breeze momentum. I step foot on the meadows, sit down and caress the grass. Lying beneath is the kingdom of ants…pull not the roots, keep them… undisturbed. (Oh,oh, that’s my fave nsg note at night time)


See the grasshopper, hopping on the grass… (oh really? The name is its act itself) Searching for a grain, a corn, a flower, a toxic leaf perhaps. Very smart buddy. He loves to store toxins especially reserved for the predator who will tame him. He enveloped a sweet karma that will inevitably come right away after his predicted death.


Is that really a chameleon in the tree? Where art thou? Do you disguise feelings too? I envy how you focus your eyes, rotator at its best, seeing two things at the same time. Whoaah. Truly awesome, they could hardly fool you. You don’t fail to fool others. Your skin is very adaptive. You can copy the color wherein you are with. Are you having a hard time? Defining yourself to your environment, must be tough huhh. Albeit, it’s a good coping mechanism. I hope you will discover your true color. It must be exhausting, fitting in….


Peeping gentle eyes in a tree trunk, who are you hiding in a hole? Aaahh. Chipmunk! Can I come in? I have Chocolala with nuts here. Can I bribe you with that? I wanna hibernate there, no alarm clock to wake me up. It must be comforting to be inside the wood, just like a placenta to a fetus-you can play carefree, & got shield from peculiar attacks. I pray you stay protected. May that tree be bypassed by cold-blooded loggers.


Oh my cuddly koala clinging as usual on the tree… clinging there forever, even a logger cutting it down won’t stop you. I admire that kind of gesture of yours. You love and must have felt loved non stop cus you cuddle a lot. Every dose of eucalyptus is what’s keeping you alive and dying at the same time. What an IRONY. Tsk,tsk.

I wanna pee. Damn it.

It’s time to manipulate this temporary bliss.

“Don’t wake me yet, fairy of the forest…. I wanna stay here for awhile. I just love seeing and observing things. I won’t touch neither of them. I can live invisibly in here.”

Wicked Forest Fairy still wave her wand and in resonating croaky voice she whispered, “Hwakehhup, people hought to know habout kyourrrr dreams.”

And snap.

My digital thumbs are back to life.









[Photos are edited & cropped from Google.]