This powerful adage keeps jabbing ideas on my frontal lobe prompting my body motor to key in my racing thoughts.
On the safe side, women will think that way, I was once one of them actually. Back when I was a kid, ideally, I wanted to marry an established guy that will make me feel like living in a bed of roses, that I won’t even need to raise any of my digits to do something ‘nymore. But everytime I brought this up, my mother would always say, “Han a dapat a kasita. Agsarak ka ti pada ni papam, marigrigat dati ngem nagaget a agubra para iti pamilya tayo.” (Don’t be like that, just find a man like your father, poor as he may, but is hardworking and has goals.) Back then, I just thought my mother has always a good way to brush up my painted fantasy. I have also thought what some people or relatives are accustomed in doing. What if I marry a guy from the States, even just a match up or a penpal just to live there in America then I’ll become rich. Then my father would rebutt me by saying, ” Han dapat a kasta. Han ka umasa ti sabali a tao tapno makapan ijay States. Makapan ka States by using your talents and intelligence. Mamati ak kenyam” (No. Don’t use other people just to enter America, you can go there by using your talents and intelligence. I believe in you.) By then I just thought my father has always a good way to make me believe in impossible things. But thinking about it now, I was raised by 2 good people always correcting me when I was having corrupted thoughts acquired by my social environment.
We are destined to do things, the plan of God always prevails but actually God given us the freewill to pursue what we will become. So I am an OFW for 3 years in Saudi and now 2.5 years and counting here in the UAE. Did I depend myself on a guy? Nope. I struggled to become an independent woman, I even planned to stay single til 30 but then our Plan Maker has his own tricks. I met my husband when I was 26, now married at the age of 27. Now, the reason why I’m writing this is most people in my place think that when you marry a white guy means you’re leeching over him. Well I want you to scrap that idea guys. I married a YOUNG guy who is struggling to reach his goals, just like I do. Practicing adulthood hand in hand, although we still do sing along with Disney songs while strolling on the car and throwing premature tantrums just to get each other’s attention. Haha. So maybe this is what being “joyful” means while struggling through the process of refinement. We are both dreamers and still on our baby steps towards the ladder of our chosen careers. We have separate bills that we pay individually. We’ve got separate earnings, separate needs, wants, investments that we spend our money with. I’ve got a family in the Philippines that I support consistently and I won’t ever hand over that responsibility to my husband. Don’t judge us by our skins or races where we come from. My parents motivated me to be patient with my man and that I must be with him through the highs and the lows and I am blessed to have a guy who can handle my crazies. And I won’t give up on him, I know he can do greats things, I believe in his potentials.
There are some ladies who are full time moms and can’t work at the same time and I respect that. You are doing a great job. There are some ladies who juggled with being a mom and having a career at the same time and I respect that. Good job. Whichever strategy we choose in building our families I think will actually suit the needs that we have to fulfill. Let’s give a non judgmental approach into this matter, since all families are individual & unique, and your circumstances are different to mine.
These are just shared ideas, unstructured since I created my website as an avenue for a free text. Again blame it to my brain salad and my love for neologism.
*picture qoute c/o google